Time slowed and it felt as if this awkward moment would never end. My heart still pounding, I looked towards the ground. My mind was racing for something to say, but I couldn’t think of anything. What can you say to such a thing. I was an idiot and let myself get put into an awfully awkward situation.
“Sorry, I -” I broke off still looking at the ground.
“Sorry what?” Will spoke an even tone.
“For being perverted, I should have better control of myself. It’s just been a while for me.” I spewed out hurriedly. Words falling out my mouth uncontrollably, while continued looking towards the ground.
“It happens to everyone at least once in their life.” he said. “I am going to go back in, I’m not on my lunch yet.”
I finally willed myself to look up, as he stood and walked away. Not saying anything more. Jeans splattered with paint and dust. They fit him perfectly. I looked at his ass again appreciating how his pants hugged. I looked until he turned back into the doors of the building and disappeared.
As he left my view the total amount of regret and guilt poured in, my depression and social anxiety started kicking into overdrive and sending me into a panic. I needed a smoke and it would be even more awkward if I went into the building just to return back outside. I looked around and found the corner store I always go to to pick things up on the way home. My anxiety plays a role in my everyday life. This store in particular was my safe store, the only one I visited because it was familiar. New places and people can send me into a panic. It’s almost as if it’s sensory overload and I can’t handle it. I locked my eyes on Berts City Pantry and started walking down the bustling street.
I walked into the pantry and as the door closed the noises of the city tapered out. Only to be met with the low hum of the coolers and familiar smell of the Vanilla Incense that the owner burned daily. The owner had been propped against the back side wall reading the Local Paper. Upon my entry he looked up and gave me his familiar smile and asked how I was doing. We exchanged common courtesies and I paid for my pack of Marlboro Red shorts, followed by a quick exchange to bid farewells and I returned to the door. I pushed the door open and was greeted by the sounds of the lively streets once again. Arriving back at the park bench I sat and eagerly pulled out a singular cigarette and lit it. I took a deep drag into my mouth and inhaled slowly. Trying to get the nicotine into my bloodstream as quickly as possible.
I finished my smoke and the stimulant for the nicotine somewhat calmed me. I know that it doesn’t help with nerves but it sure as hell felt like it did. I stood and made my way back to the building and threw the butt to my smoke into the trash as I always did. I came back to my floor and quickly made my way past the smell of paint and construction. Upon reaching my cubicle I though to myself; good day my ass. I made an absolute ass out of myself. I let out a low chuckle at the idea, and began working diligently on the project I left up on the computer for the many hours to come.
Looking down at the clock it was almost time for me to get off. It was now 7:12 P.M. I would be getting off at the start of the next hour, my project was finished and ready to be sent to the editors. I saved the Adobe inDesign file to the cloud server for everyone to access. I started going through the new project files under my work folder and clicked on tomorrows date to view the files. McKayla in the cubicle next to me who is a design proof manager piped up over the wall.
“Done for the day Brock?”
“Yeah, I’m going to start on tomorrows work. Gonna try and get ahead on the job for tomorrow for the next half hour.” I replied.
“Your work is always on point dude, I just looked at the design and as always it’s ready for publishing. Your designs are always on point and well executed.” she exclaimed.
“No, thank you. You make my job easier!” She let out a soft familiar chuckle.
She has been my favorite person here, since I started. She always made my work feel appreciated. I turned my attention back to my computer. I stared at the project files back on my computer screen and there wasn’t a design input from the client at Moore’s Law.
“Yea?” she replied over the cubicle sounding slightly preoccupied.
“Do you know the design path the clients at Moore’s Law wanted?”
“There isn’t a design request for the client?”
“No the only thing in here is an illustrator file or inDesign file in the folder. Just their company logo?” I explained.
“Awe hell.” she sounded out.
“Someone probably forgot to finish uploading the client files, shit. The customer service team is out for the day and I don’t have time to get them myself. You know what, I will leave a note for them to make sure they finish getting the project assets ready. You can take off for the day. Sorry Brock.”
“You sure?” I replied confused.
I never get off early, I have a routine to leave my desk at 7:55 to be able to clock out at exactly 8:00 P.M. on the dot. I don’t like breaking routine. It can throw my hole day off. I like my routines, they keep surprises at a minimum so I don’t run into anything unexpected that can cause me to have an anxiety attack. I have to practice control through routines, it’s the only way I can keep everything at bay without medicating.
“Yeah, I am almost done here as well. We can both take off early today. Everyone else has finished their work and I am on the last few pieces to proof. You being the Design Lead, and I being the Project Manager we are always an hour behind everyone else leaving. Mind waiting for me?”
“Uhh sure? Let me just turn off everything and tidy up my desk while I wait.” I replied quickly.
I turned off the computer and it’s hum fell silent, then the click of the monitor shortly after going into sleep mode. I moved my keyboard back to the center of my desk and put my mouse beside it neatly.
“Tidy up your desk? You have the cleanest desk in here! Have you seen mine?” She replied shortly after.
I let out a laugh and replied, “But we are different people girl. You are organized chaos, and I am only functional if everything is in it’s place.”
I bent over the deep length desk and pushed my intuos out of the way towards the back and put the stylus into it’s cup holder.
“You are totally right. Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh-, I am finished over here. You ready?” She asked while standing up and letting out a short bodied stretch.
“Yeah, lets get going I suppose.”
I stood and met her gaze and motioned for her to lead the way. We walked down the room, past the smell of fresh paint of the conference room towards the stairs. We made our way towards the front desk and swiped our ID badges.
“I think I am going to grab a couple drinks wanna join me Brock?” she asked vibrantly.
“I have some things I need to tend to this afternoon.” I lied.
Her excited face started to give me a pouting look. She waved me off and started to walk away.
“Fine, I will drink all by myself. Next time then?” she shot back.
“Sure just let me know a few days before okay?” I said trying to be energetic.
“Will do!” She replied as she exited the building.
I don’t like having unexpected plans. Breaking off the routine I have so deeply driven into my day, makes me uncomfortable. I started towards the bathroom to empty my bladder as I always do before leaving. Getting stuck in traffic with a full bladder is no fun at all, and something else I must do as part of my routine. I opened the door and was met with the fresh smell of pine and bleach. The custodial crew must have had their last stop of the day at the 1st floor bathrooms today. I walked in and the florescent light took over my eyes, much brighter then the natural light that the main floors use due to the front of the building being all glass. I walked up to the stall and unzipped my black dress shorts then pulled my john over my boxer briefs and pulled the foreskin back to piss. I finished and flushed, gathered myself back into my pants and drawers and zipped back up. I turned towards the sink and started washing my hands.
As I was finishing up, I looked up into the mirror to be met by the gaze of Will exiting a stall from the other end of the bathroom.
“Awe hell…” I thought.
Sorry for not continuing the story guys, I will be aiming for at least one chapter a week or more from 8/12/2016. My writing style has changed over the years, and I hope you guys enjoy it better. I am currently in progress for chapter 3 and lets say things get a little heated shall we?! 😉 Hope for you to read more soon guys! Thanks for the feedback and words of encouragement.